23 november 2015

8.45: I arrive at the hospital. She is a sleep. I want in the next room, which has been our “base” for the past week. 2 nurses come to help her bath. She seem so weak, nothing like yesterday morning.

After her bath, i enter the room and she seems to be reliefed. She tells me she feels much better now she is lying in a different position. And the nurse promissed to find another special matrass for her.

We talk a little. She still finds it odd that i can be so flexible with my work. I tell myself that i really appreciate this that it is made possible.

She starts to watch a soapserie on the tablet. After a while a nurse enters the room and starts to talk about possibilities to go home or to a hospital. We ask time to think about it. At 12 we will talk again. Hopefully my sister will be here also.

Mother seems to be upset. I ask her why. She tells me that she did not anticipate on this step. She feels uncomfortable because again she is confronted whit an unexpected surprise. She worries about how the bed will fit, whether there will be assistance, how the visitors will be managed and so fort. I assure her that i do have organizing skills but i doubt wether this reassures her. Now she is a sleep.

My sister calls. She has visited the company doctor and had called her executive at work. I can hear it in her voice that she has cried. She tells me that she will not work coming period. Now she is at the rental company. She will try tot get the rental contract of the house on 2 names. Otherwise she will have to move after my mother pass away.

In the afternoon my mother decides that she wants to get home and pass away in her own house. The moving will take place tomorrow before afternoon.

22 Novembere 2015

In the morning I wake up with mixed feelings. The call i don’t like but which would mean that my mother is free from all her suffering did not come.

My sister and i fresh up, eat breakfast and leave for the hospital. When we arrive, the nurse who was also there yesterday, walks towards us with a smile. Obviously she has goed news to tell.

Indeed she tells us that my mother had a good night and she is now watching something at her tablet. Wow! This is not what i expected for today!

In the room we see my mother. She looks rested and looks at us with the greatest smile i have seen in years. She tells us that she had her first sleep since she has been in the hospital. I can’t help tot think that her condition yesterday was just a dip. But soon that wishful thinking is wiped away since with the hour she gets more tired. Even when telling an anekdote from her youth, its like she ran a marathon after just just a few minutes.

I beg God to free her from this suffering. This is not the way a good human should pass away.

In the evening we are just beside her bed. Waiting for the time she gets her sleeping aid. No talking, just thinking about the coming separation and hoping that it will come soon, so she can rest….