29 november 2015

It has been days since my mother came home to live her last days..

The first days it was busy, so busy that we had no time to think about the reason she came home.

We got her a fine bed in the middle of the living room, my niece turned over her “Led tv” so we could throw away the old 30kg device and make room for the bed. We got her pillows and blankets and so fort. She liked it. She was happy with all the little things she still had. For instance: While she did not eat anymore (for more than a week at the time she got home), she started to enjoy ice cubes and clementine juice. Then we found out that clementine juice can also be turned into ice cubes. She was the happiest woman on earth when she enjoyed her first clementine cubes. She did not care that the juice was led from her stomach right to a tube in her nose and into a plastic bag.

She also got two automatic pumps. One for “dormicum”, a medicine for sleeping and one for morfine. Dormicum is just working at nights, the morfine is for the pain, but with a minimum quantity and a low frequence.

The days were fine. I brought my laptop and worked while from time to time we had good conversations with my mother. Sometimes she fell tired so she rested, while i worked.

Since yesterday the odds turned around. She sleeps more than she is awake. Today she has some new pains. The doctor decides to turn on the dormipump all the time and the morfine is being increased bij quantity and frequency. Now i realize that she is here to die.

Another thing of the past days are the gatherings of “old friends”. The last 15 years we lost contact with a lot of our friends. Some of them moved to another region some are living in the same city, but lives are too busy for socializing. Many of them visited us and many of them called to wish us the best.

I can tell that many people aren’t used to act in these situations. Wishes like “Hope you get better soon” are odd in this situation. I just find it ironic and i believe that they say such things with good intentions. However sometimes its hard to put things in perspective when you are stressed.

Another thing are the many calls from family and friends living in other countries. They heard something, but just a part of the story. So today i had to tell seven times what happened last month and end with the conclusion that i hope my mother will die soon.

Today we also start to talk about the planning after she is gone. Like most Turkish people living in the Netherlands, my mother has a kind of assurance to be transported to her place of birth where she wants to be buried. They take care of things like transport to a morgue, the flight to Turkey etc.